Suicide Monkeys
Don't give up on yourself
I have been on top of this topic for a while now. In fact, I've actually been down the road of almost committing suicide, and let me tell you It's not fun at all and it is hard to come back from.
First off, I'm going to tell you my story and then I'm going to get into something that might help you out if you are in that dark place right now.
Ok, so, my story starts off back at the end of 2014, the day after Christmas. I was at my grandparents house in California, in their den, playing with my new toys and messing around with my brother. We were playing like any normal brothers would and my brother got up to use the restroom. As I waited for him to come back, my grandpa came into the room to read the newspaper (he loved to read the newspaper), and he sat down on the couch. In the middle of him reading the paper he looked up at me and watched me play for a minute then he said, "Christian, you know one day very soon you're going to take over my spot as Santa (thats the name we gave the person who passed out gifts on Christmas day), because I won't be able to do it anymore". Now mind you, my grandpa was 96 at the time, and me not thinking anything of it, I didn't think he was being serious. Well, let me tell you, he wasn't joking at all. After we had left, we were back home and all back to normal, doing our normal routine. And then it happened. January 12th, 2015, 5:25 Am. My grandpa has a heart attack. My family gets the call about it at 5:30 Am, and we pack our stuff and head out to California to see him. I personally was scared when I heard what had happened.
We stayed for a few days until he was released back home from the hospital, then me and my family went back home, back to our normal routine again. We were at home doing whatever and then January 17th hit. 5:35 Am, my family gets a call from my grandmother. My grandpa had a stroke. He was in the hospital again. So, we pack our stuff and head out to California again, to see him. We stayed for a couple days till he got released back home again. We then went back home and back to our normal routine once again.
Now we weren’t home more than 12 days when we get a call at 6:00 Am. It was about my grandpa. He had fallen down the stairs and got cut up really bad. He was at the hospital again. So we packed our stuff and headed out to California again. Now, I was starting to get used to traveling back and forth to California, but what was about to happen, nobody was ready for. We stayed about a week there till he was released from the hospital, but when he was released, the doctors told us that he was going to have to be watched very closely. So, we brought him back to the house and they gave him an oxygen tank to have with him at all times. We cared for him every day that he was trying to get better. But it seemed that the more he tried to get better the worse he got.
On February 22nd he was put on bed rest and put in the care of a hospice person. Both my family and other relatives and the hospice nurse all took care of him during that time. Now the rest of February went by and March went by. On April 3rd I started to get pains in my sides and chest and they kept getting worse every day. And every time that I got those pains my grandpa got worse. April 16th came and I went to school. It was like any other day but in the middle of the day I got a really bad pain in my side. It kept on for almost 15 minutes then it went away. After school I went home and got settled in for the day. I was doing my homework that night and I went to go get a piece of paper to do my homework. When I went to go leave the room that I was in I got an extremely painful shock in my chest. It was 6:59 Pm. Immediately after the pain went away my mom called my dad. He was outside so I went to answer the phone but when I went to go answer it it wouldn’t let me answer. So I just left it alone. I went back to doing my homework and my dad came back inside. I told my dad that my mom had tried to call him and he said thank you.
Later that night, when I went to go to bed my mom called my dad again and talked to him. I overheard the conversation and what I heard was devastating to me. My grandpa had passed away at 7:12 Pm. that night. So, I basically felt my grandpa dying and actually die, thats what the pains were that I had been feeling.
I tried hiding my feelings but I really couldn't hide them. It was too hard to hide my feelings.
After my grandpa passed away, I slipped into a hard core depression. It lasted up until the beginning of 2017.
I ended up getting to the point in my depression, to were I actually almost tried to commit suicide. but I decided not to because I found out that there is much more to life than just loving someone and being extremely close to people. I found out that life has something in mind for me. That there is a reason I'm here on this Earth. It doesn't matter if you getting bullied or being made fun of or even if you're just not feeling like life likes you, you are who you are and you need to stand up for yourself, take on the world like the strong person you were meant to be.
Don't automatically go to suicide, because it is not the answer.
If you know someone who is depressed or thinking about suicide show them this post and tell them they can change.
Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoyed it.
If you know someone that needs some support or help with depression or is thinking of suicide call this number 1-800-273-8255
Now we weren’t home more than 12 days when we get a call at 6:00 Am. It was about my grandpa. He had fallen down the stairs and got cut up really bad. He was at the hospital again. So we packed our stuff and headed out to California again. Now, I was starting to get used to traveling back and forth to California, but what was about to happen, nobody was ready for. We stayed about a week there till he was released from the hospital, but when he was released, the doctors told us that he was going to have to be watched very closely. So, we brought him back to the house and they gave him an oxygen tank to have with him at all times. We cared for him every day that he was trying to get better. But it seemed that the more he tried to get better the worse he got.
On February 22nd he was put on bed rest and put in the care of a hospice person. Both my family and other relatives and the hospice nurse all took care of him during that time. Now the rest of February went by and March went by. On April 3rd I started to get pains in my sides and chest and they kept getting worse every day. And every time that I got those pains my grandpa got worse. April 16th came and I went to school. It was like any other day but in the middle of the day I got a really bad pain in my side. It kept on for almost 15 minutes then it went away. After school I went home and got settled in for the day. I was doing my homework that night and I went to go get a piece of paper to do my homework. When I went to go leave the room that I was in I got an extremely painful shock in my chest. It was 6:59 Pm. Immediately after the pain went away my mom called my dad. He was outside so I went to answer the phone but when I went to go answer it it wouldn’t let me answer. So I just left it alone. I went back to doing my homework and my dad came back inside. I told my dad that my mom had tried to call him and he said thank you.
Later that night, when I went to go to bed my mom called my dad again and talked to him. I overheard the conversation and what I heard was devastating to me. My grandpa had passed away at 7:12 Pm. that night. So, I basically felt my grandpa dying and actually die, thats what the pains were that I had been feeling.
I tried hiding my feelings but I really couldn't hide them. It was too hard to hide my feelings.
After my grandpa passed away, I slipped into a hard core depression. It lasted up until the beginning of 2017.
I ended up getting to the point in my depression, to were I actually almost tried to commit suicide. but I decided not to because I found out that there is much more to life than just loving someone and being extremely close to people. I found out that life has something in mind for me. That there is a reason I'm here on this Earth. It doesn't matter if you getting bullied or being made fun of or even if you're just not feeling like life likes you, you are who you are and you need to stand up for yourself, take on the world like the strong person you were meant to be.
Don't automatically go to suicide, because it is not the answer.
If you know someone who is depressed or thinking about suicide show them this post and tell them they can change.
Thank you for reading this and I hope you enjoyed it.
If you know someone that needs some support or help with depression or is thinking of suicide call this number 1-800-273-8255
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